First the confession.

I tried to call horse races some 40 years ago (yes I’m old). It did not go well. In fact, it was a disaster.

Larry Ross, who used to call the races at Northlands Park, had a sore throat and there was no back up. I was the marketing manager at Northlands at the time and I said ‘No problem; I can do it.’

The racing manager at the time, Morris Taylor, asked me if I was sure I could do it.

No problem I told him. I mean, how tough could it be?

Hah. Yeah right.

The first race I called only had five horses. So it was a snap. Or, so I thought.

Unfortunately four of the five thoroughbreds wore dark green silks. Lovely.

I was lost. Just five horses and I messed it up like a toddler eating spaghetti.

It would only get worse.

In the next race I was better prepared. Or so I thought.

Hah again.

I vividly remember saying “They’re at the post and they’re off.”

They were off alright. The head set I mean.

The next sound was of my head set rattling and crashing to the ground.

The head set had fallen off my head.

Scrambling nervously by the time I got the head set back on the race was almost over so I said “It’s the 5. Followed by the 3 and the 6.”

I never mentioned any one of the horse’s names. Not a single one.

Buzz Burke, the chart caller, came to my rescue. He found some white duct tape and wound it tightly around the head set and my noggin for the third race.

I looked like a total goof and Buzz kept bringing people into the announcer’s booth to give them a look at this outlandish sight.

Laughter filled the booth. My head looked like a mummy.

While the head set was snug my brain and my voice weren’t.

Once again I was as lost as someone in a corn maze.

Calling horse races may sound easy but, believe me, it’s not.

I had no idea who was leading. No idea who was second or third or anywhere else. It was a tougher assignment than being Donald Trump’s hair stylist. It was also tougher than a steak at a roadside diner.

“It’s hard to do because no two races are ever the same, you always have to expect the worst,” said Century Mile’s announcer Dylan Beardy, who makes it sound effortless.

“I’ve called 10s of thousands of races. They’re all different,” said Beardy, who is only 24.

To identify the horses when they are racing, Beardy looks for plenty of things: jockey silks, harness driver’s colours, the colour of the saddle pads, the colours of the jockey or drivers helmets, blinkers and other equipment, as well as the numbers of the horses.

“Harness racing is a little easier because if the driver’s colours are blue, white and orange then it’s Mike Hennessy driving. If they are green and black then it’s Dave Kelly. They wear the same colours all the time.”

Not in thoroughbred racing. While harness drivers wear the same silks every race they drive, jockeys in thoroughbred racing don’t.

Jockeys wear different silks according to the owner’s stable.

For instance jockey Mauricio Malvaez will wear the brown and white diamond silks when he’s riding for Bar None Ranches but then wear the plain grey silks when he’s riding for Madison Zielke.”

Then there’s the saddle pads. A red saddle pad belongs to the No. 1 horse. Two is white. Three is blue.

That helps. But not always.

“I can get mixed up with the 3, 9 and 10 horses,” said Beardy. “The three horse is dark blue, the 9 is turquoise and the 10 is purple. At night they can look the same.

“It’s the same with the 1 horse which is red and 7 is orange or the 5 which is green and the 12 which is lime green.

“That can get a little confusing.”

Tell me about it. I called the races like I was colour blind.

But if there is one thing that Beardy trusts more than anything it’s his handicapping.

“I handicap every race so that I know which horses are going to try for the front while others will be coming from off the pace.

“I want to know where the horses are likely to be.”

Beardy, who is a very accurate announcer who can anticipate which horses are coming on and which are all done, said he knows he’s ready when he can name the horses in order from one to 8 (or how many horses are in the race) and then backwards from 8 to 1.

It’s hardly a surprise that Beardy took up race calling. After all, his dad, Dave Paulsen, called the races at Saskatoons Marquis Downs from 2004 to 2019 and continues to call the races at Grande Prairie.

“He really has it down pat. I loved listening to him.

“I learned a lot from him but I have my own cadence, my own everything.

“I can vividly remember my mom taking my sister and I to the races in Saskatoon when I was only three years old.

“It’s why I do what I’m doing,” said Beardy, who started his race-announcing career at Marquis Downs calling 59 races in 2019 when he was just 18 years old.

But when Marquis Downs closed its doors in 2020 because of Covid, Beardy, who called bingo games to get used to controlling his voice, was out of work.

“After I finished high school I tried landscaping But I didn’t like it,” said Beardy, who is to the point in all of his calls and tells you a story in every call.

In April of 2022 he applied for the job at Century Mile and got it after calling three races at Calgary’s Century Downs as part of the interview process.

Putting excitement into every race - whether it’s a bottom claimer or a stakes race - Beardy was a great hire.

“You want people to come back. Whether it’s a $2 bettor or a $200 bettor.

“I feel very blessed to have the job,” said Beardy, whose favourite race call was the 2022 Canadian Derby when Great Escape defeated his stablemate Red Knobs.

As well as having to know which horse is which, Beardy, who also makes the morning lines and handicaps the races on the in-house system with Century Mile’s marketing manager Jentry VanBaal, has to overcome some very tough to enunciate names which would be easy to slip up on. Horses like Son of a Beach, Justmybuckingluck and Chuck You Farley,

Years ago there was a horse called Hoof Hearted never mind one called Akahickamickadola. Last year he had to pronounce Tshiebwie. Try those ones on for size.

“It’s not easy,” said Beardy, who makes the five-hour drive from Edmonton to his home in Saskatoon after the Saturday where he has a five-year-old son named Jonathan.

No, it definitely isn’t.

Climbing Mount Everest in sandals is easier.

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Author: The Turcottes: The Remarkable Story of a Horse Racing Dynasty.